Three things to do when life is hard
A few years ago, I read that a best practice is to do one thing a year that is hard so that you know your strength and how resilient you are. The idea is for the rest of the year, everything is easy compared to this hard thing.
I also saw someone’s comment, “It must be nice to have such ease in one’s life that every year they seek something hard to do. I have hard stuff to do every day.”
Both of these comments have stuck with me.
This week, I probably did the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. The thing is, this is a hard thing for me, something people do every day. For some people, there’s ease and normalcy for them.
It was completely out of my comfort zone; it was also more responsibility than I have ever had.
If you’re part of the LoveLetter, a client, a student, or part of The Nantucket Love School, then you most likely know I am supporting loved ones right now with the transition of welcoming a new baby into their lives.
I am pretty much a cook, a driver, and an entertainer for the older kids. Now and then, I get to rock the newborn babe with the momma nearby.
This past week, the newborn baby was put into my care outside the home's comfort, and momma was nearby. It had to be done, and all in all, it was for about an hour.
I needed to drive the older kids to a school event, plus have the newbie in the car and in my car once out of the car. When we arrived at the school event. The newbie was fussy. I parked myself and the stroller near one of the children’s classrooms while they ran around for their event. I did my best to comfort the baby. The baby would most likely be all set with a fresh diaper and recently fed.
I have never been with a newborn baby without their parent nearby. In the past, I’ve held a baby all through a wedding reception to give the parents a break. I have rocked plenty of newborns to sleep while the parents were doing something in the other room at their home.
Now, I am out in the wild! It was last minute, and I needed to step up to support. I was scared. A newborn in my care. I have been the rockstar auntie, not a momma.
That is the thing with life: God puts challenging opportunities before us. I don’t think of these challenging opportunities as tests. I know many people think of these challenging opportunities as tests to see if one’s faith in God is strong or some test to pass for God’s love. As if God’s love is conditional.
I don’t believe in this. I don’t believe God tests us, and I don’t believe God’s love is conditional.
These challenging opportunities I see as reminders and, well… opportunities for the evolution of our souls. I believe we chose Earth because Earth is an incredible place to be where we can experience the full range of emotions and life experiences. Life is really beautiful here…It’s also hard. Suzanne Keating says, “Earth is a school.”
I believe that, too. Earth is where the hard and beautiful parts come together to support our soul's evolution.
Most parents have unconditional love for their children. A parent’s love for a child isn’t based on whether or not their toddler walks or falls. They love their child no matter what. Sure, they may not like what a child is doing, such as when the kid throws food back in their face, but they love their child.
Also, parents can find joy in these challenging times. Like, when I took all my mom’s pads and tampons and used them for my Barbie’s mattresses and umbrellas. Or when I thought I was a rockstar, pulled off the microphone from the 1980s massive video camera, and sang Michael Jackson’s ‘Beat it!’ on top of a table. Perhaps one of the best renditions of the song of all time, but there was no fixing the very-expensive-my parents-could-barely-afford-video-camera.
My mom used to say, “The more you kids were naughty, the more I laughed.”
Same for God. Let’s be honest; we are all toddlers in God’s eyes and learning to walk. we throw food or other items back in God’s face and certainly have moments when we break something that can’t be fixed.
God loves us. We make God smile and laugh.
This week, I was reminded I can do hard things. I can do things out of my comfort zone.
Here are the three things I did and you can do whenever life is challenging.
First and foremost, call in your higher power. “Thank you God for sending your angels of love and light to support me during this time. Thank you for helping me with XYZ.” The newest Love Bug is about 5 or 6 pounds. I barely felt like I was holding them, and I was afraid they would fall through my arms. “Thank you God for sending your angels of love and light to support me supporting this baby.” Call in your higher power for anything: a parking space, support with a project, a person, a situation, thoughts…any challenge you are facing. Ask your higher power for support.
Breathwork. I have PTSD, and the slightest thing can stress my body out without realizing it. I need to be extra vigilant with my breath. This is one of my greatest tools for allowing ease into my body. After calling in God, breathe. Inhale slowly through the nose for a few to 10 counts. Then, exhale slowly through the nose for a few to 10 counts. Repeat this for a minute, and you’ll begin to regulate your nervous system. If your nervous system is regulated, you’ll be better mentally, emotionally, and physically equipped for whatever lies in front of you. I was so nervous while carrying the newest love bug to the car. I focused on my breath, and my anxiety decreased. I reminded myself, “Dorothy, you can do hard things.”
Figure out the type or types of care you need. I did a podcast episode on the different types of care we all need. Self-care - This is maintenance. Aftercare is when you’ve gone through something challenging and must make withdrawals and deposits to fill your care bank back up. And last but certainly not least is Community care - when we need to call on others to support us or others. In this case, with the newest Love Bug, I had some older love bugs there that could support us. And I asked for their help opening doors and putting this five-pound sweetie in the car seat. I would not have been able to do it without them. We all need community. We all need support from others. Humans are interdependent. We need each other to survive as well as to thrive. Want to dig into the different types of care? Listen to the Nantucket After Dark podcast episode HERE.
When things get hard in life, and life will because you’re here for the evolution of your soul, remember to call in a higher power for support, breathe through it, and figure out the care you need to carry you through. Remind yourself that You can do hard things!
Sending love your way!
Dorothy Stover, (She/Her)
Love & Intimacy Coach, Certified Holistic Sex Educator
